The Victimization of Victims

Perrott Victim 1

If you are ripped open, some people will condemn you for bleeding. If you are beaten and battered, some will despise your scars. If you speak of your injuries in an attempt to heal, empower yourself, or inspire others, you will most likely be attacked all over again and then cast into the garbage dump.

Bottom line: If you admit to being a victim, you will be victimized for your victimization. And that is why those who suffer domestic abuse and/or any kind of sexual, emotional, or physical abuse often remain silent or don’t admit to their wounds for many years.

It’s been a rough week. The first eight days of every month are particularly hard because those are the days of the month (five and a half years ago) that I had to sit at the hospital with my unconscious son, hoping and praying he would survive and then accepting the horrifying truth that he would not.

Also, a poem I wrote five years ago (copied below), to explain the depths of my grief over the death of my son, suddenly came to the attention of my friends again this past week. In the poem I speak of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse that occurred during my childhood. I never expected the pain this new discussion would bring me. And while it distresses me greatly to speak of the reaction I received, I believe it’s important to share.

An older sister of mine attacked me for my words. She not only took offense that I accused my father of emotional abuse, and physical abuse toward my siblings and my mother, but she assumed I had also accused him of sexual mistreatment. I had not, but even if I had, her behavior was shocking to me.

My sister began to make excuses for my father: He was sick. We all do stupid things. Without him I would never have had life. He worked and fed us. We can’t blame our parents all our lives for our problems. Some people have it rougher than I do. God gave me four children–“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away,” she said. (Some of these were written by her the next day.)

And, adding to my suffering, my sister stated that, while I have lost only one child, another sister has lost three. I suppose that means I’m to be grateful that I have lost only one child, and be ashamed of my grief.

A friend recently posted that her grown daughter has lived a long distance from her for eleven years. Another mother commented that it never gets any easier. We can all understand, and sympathize. But my son has been gone five and a half years and I can’t go visit him. I have no hope that he will ever “move” back home. And, yes, it never gets easier.

But people expect grievers to move on. Otherwise they are accused of being stuck in grief. That’s an unrealistic expectation.

And it’s unrealistic to expect a child or even an adult to hide injustices forever. I was sixty years old when I finally revealed the violence that stained my childhood, leaving me to suffer severe PTSD today.

Although my sister denied it twice, she read my painful words the day I wrote them five years ago. (I have our conversation in Messenger.) She was gentle and kind at that time. She asked whether she knew the perpetrator of the sexual abuse. I refused to answer, telling her I didn’t want to talk about it. She admitted that my younger sister’s confession of sexual molestation was probably true. (My younger sister told her story several years ago, but my sisters refused to believe her and she finally recanted.)

But I guess kindness and understanding of the anguish that springs from sorrow and abuse can last only so long. This time my sister’s reaction, as stated, was totally different. After ranting for a while on my poem’s thread, she deleted most of her cruel comments and went out to garner the support of my other two older sisters.

The next morning, along with deleting me from her Facebook friends list, my sister made a proclamation on her Facebook page, signed by her and my oldest sister, that “all of what [Tina] wrote is not true.” When my nephew told her he had heard the same stories from his mother (he and my niece had stated the same the previous day) and asked her which of my accusations weren’t true, my sister argued with him for a while, refusing to answer his question, and then deleted the entire thread. (I have it all.)

This second discussion was when I realized my sister thought I was accusing our father of sexual abuse. She totally misunderstood my poem and placed my father in places in the poem where I had not referred to him.

But, as I said, even if that’s what I had been saying, my sister’s reaction was hurtful. She declared that she had never read the poem until this past week, yet she didn’t come to me for an explanation. She didn’t offer compassion for my pain. Instead, she chose to gossip about me to our siblings and bring them in to cast upon me their own accusations. Her focus was to defend my father, who has been dead fifty years, rather than support her suffering sister.

My third older sister said that I had slept with her as a child so no sexual abuse happened to me. As if nighttime or a bed is required for sexual abuse to occur. The first sister stated that our mother never left us alone. As if it takes a lot of time for sexual violence to take place. Everybody has to go to the toilet. And when the toilet is outside, as it was at my house, it takes a while. Sexual exploitation can transpire in a fleeting moment.

It is scary to talk about horrible events of our childhood. I am reeling from that discovery. And I’m here to tell you that if you speak out, you will be further assaulted, and possibly shunned. I found that out the hard way.

And this was my family. People who were supposed to care for me no matter what. People who should always have my back. People whom I firmly believed truly loved me and had my best interests at heart.

Worst of all, this further pain was thrown at me on my page containing a heartfelt poem that I had written for my precious son. That is the deepest cut of all. If my own family could do this to me, imagine what strangers are capable of doing to the victims of abuse and loss.

But, please, if you can, speak up! When and how you can, tell your story. Broadcast it far and wide. It may help you heal and it might strengthen the heart of someone else who has suffered as you have.

So show your scars. Bleed on everybody’s carpet. Make a big enough mess that somebody will have to see it and help you deal with it. It’s time.

Tina Rae Collins

November 7, 2017

(Thanks to Joe Perrott for the cartoon!)

The Poem:

Broken

December 30, 2012 at 12:02pm 

I was sexually abused as a child,

At least twice that I can remember for sure.

 

I woke up one night to find my dad trying to smother my mom with a pillow,

And heard him say, “I’d have killed you if them young’uns hadn’t woke up.”

He turned over the kitchen table after Mommy filled it with food one Christmas.

He shot a bullet up through the ceiling one night while we were upstairs sleeping.

I saw him throw my baby sister against the wall.

I watched him pin down another sister, his knees resting on her thighs as he held her hands so she couldn’t fight back.

I was there when he put a cigarette out on my mom’s leg.

I came home from school at lunch to find her clothes torn off her.

And sometimes, as we would be going to bed, he would say,

“If y’all knew what I was going to do tonight, you wouldn’t go to sleep.”

 

My dad died when I was fifteen.

The one time I got up the nerve to go up to the casket, my left arm went completely numb.

I dreamt of him often–a wild-eyed man in a blue suit coming out of his coffin and chasing me to do me harm.

 

My mom was always sick with asthma.

When I was about thirteen I recall hearing her moaning as she tried to draw a breath,

“Young’uns, behave. I’m going to leave you.”

She finally died when I was twenty-eight, leaving me an orphan.

She saw only one of my four children.

I still miss her to this day.

 

The man I loved and married left me five days before Christmas,

With four children between the ages of four and twelve–

In the head of a holler,

In a two-bedroom trailer,

With no flushing toilet,

And no money,

On a dirt road that was dust in the summer and mud in the winter

(And me with no car anyway),

When I was sick with a rare form of pneumonia.

 

I’ve been cast aside and considered worthy of hell for my religious views–

Not for the way I live my life;

Not for anything I can fix;

For my beliefs that I can’t change.

 

But I have fought hard all my life,

And I have survived.

I’ve even thrived.

I was valedictorian of my grade school class,

Valedictorian of my high school class,

Salutatorian of my college class, winning the English award.

I have written books.

I have produced and starred in a cable TV show.

I homeschooled my four children.

I am, today, working toward a PhD in Biblical Studies.

 

I am strong;

I am a survivor.

I pick myself up and I move on and

I never let the bastards grind me down!

 

But this time–

Well, this time God gave me a mountain.

He took my baby boy.

And no fear,

No pain,

No sorrow,

No shame,

No castigation or condemnation or any other crap that anybody in this world can lay on me

Can touch this.

Or even come close.

I am finally broken.

 

Tina Rae Collins

 

 

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Every Green Herb

Marijuana Pic Real

Dear Christian,

If the state insisted that you cease and desist from sharing the spiritual healing that you believe you need to offer your friends and neighbors, would you stop? I know you at least say you wouldn’t.

You also declare that you would even encourage others to go against the demands of the state. Together you would probably still preach on the TV and radio and write books and articles and speak out on Facebook. You would denounce the state to honor your Lord, right?

What about physical healing? Would you deny the state and stand up for the healing of yourself and others who suffer from pain, depression, PTSD, asthma, glaucoma, epilepsy, diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses?

Do you believe your god heals people of physical disease as well as spiritual disease? I know prayers go up on Facebook for even the tiniest problems–like toenail fungus or even a bloody hangnail. So how does your god respond? Does he say “Abracadabra” and your friend is healed? Does he send manna made of medicine down from heaven? Well, in a sense, I would say “yes” to that last question.

Whatever the creative source is, and you believe it is the god of the Bible, that source has provided healing for the body. The book you follow states that “every green herb” has been given for food. Therefore, if cannabis heals diseases, and we know it does, its purpose is to be consumed–not confiscated and burnt by the state, thus disallowing people their “god-given” right to healing.

Is it worse to keep quiet and obey the law of the land when it comes to restoration of the soul than it is to hide behind your fears and let the state deny people the right to restoration of the body and mind? Is it okay to take away curative measures, of any sort, that your god has provided?

Further, is it prudent to pray for healing and then refuse the cure? What if your neighbor or friend said, “I prayed and asked God to heal my soul, but he just has to do it himself. I’m not willing to work on myself or accept teaching from anyone”? Is it not the same thing when you pray for good health but reject the plant you believe was provided by the one to whom you pray?

Do you remember the story of the man on the roof who begged God to save him from a flood? His neighbor offered him a ride in his pickup truck and he refused it, saying “I know God will save me.” Later a boat came along, but again he said, “My God has promised to save me.” Finally a helicopter appeared, but once again the foolish man refused a ride. So he drowned. And when he questioned God about why God didn’t come through for him, what did God say? That’s right, he said, “I sent you a pickup truck, a boat, and a helicopter; but you refused them all. What else could I have done?”

Do you recognize yourself in that story if you reject what the creator has provided in order to heal your diseases? I suppose if you want to turn your nose up at the creator’s natural cures for yourself, that’s okay. But what about your family members, neighbors, and friends? They are being denied their right to life. They are being hunted down and persecuted for standing for truth. They are being dragged off to prison while you sit silent. Are you not supposed to speak for those who can’t speak for themselves? Will their blood be on your hands if you don’t?

Will you, too, be persecuted if you speak out? Maybe so. But you are called to be a peculiar people. Don’t fear what rulers might do to you! Be “unashamed”! Stand for the creator, not the state! Obey your god rather than man!

But maybe your faith isn’t strong enough to withstand the persecution. Okay then. But you can at least vote for leaders who will stop denying human beings the right to life and health. You can also cease from judging those who choose to use the free gift the earth supplies in abundance.

True wisdom is hidden from this world. At least that’s what you say. So which do you think is better, man-made medicine or natural plants provided by nature–or, as you would say, provided by your god? Are you wise enough and strong enough to make the correct choice?

Sincerely,

Tina Rae Collins

October 7, 2017

List of My Books

Aaron Collins Did That

Down Mare Creek Road

The Gathering in the Last Days

A Fine Thing

The Judaeo-Christian Myth

I Wish I May

The Man in the Red Suit: A Magical Christmas Story

The Melting Pot

My Little Children

A New Day

Snow White Awakens: The Story of Eve’s Redemption

The Soup Bean War

Tales from the Coop

This Little Light

Up Hurricane Road

We Are Emmanuel: How Man Became God

What About Brian

When Angels Cry

Yahweh on Trial

 

 

 

Why Do You Worship Yahweh?

IMG_9970

Why do you worship a god who drowned and aborted babies, told people to buy other humans and that they could beat the other humans as long as they were able to get up and walk in a couple of days, instructed fathers to abandon their children belonging to foreign wives or in order to gain their own freedom, sends lying spirits to deceive people, and plans to destroy or burn some of your family and friends?

(1) Yahweh is cruel, but I’m afraid of him and want to live forever even if others don’t and even if most people have to suffer.

(2) Yahweh is good; and even though the above-mentioned behaviors seem bad, it’s good those babies died young and went straight to heaven, slavery really isn’t that bad, getting a good beating and lingering in pain helps slaves to learn to obey, it’s okay to abandon your children to gain freedom for yourself or if their mother doesn’t believe in Yahweh, and some people deserve to hear lies and be burnt or otherwise destroyed.

There is no other choice. Either you see these behaviors as evil but you worship Yahweh anyway because you think he’s God and will punish or reward you, or you see his actions as good and you worship him because he has shown himself to be worthy of your worship. Which is it?

Tina Rae Collins

 

6 Moral Behaviors You Thought Were Immoral

Holy Bible

6 Moral Behaviors You Thought Were Immoral

We all know that atheists can’t determine right from wrong because they lack any basis on which to make such judgments. We Bible believers, on the other hand, easily ascertain morality.  How, you ask? It’s all clearly expounded in our book, which is the holy and inspired word of God and therefore cannot be erroneous.

You don’t believe me? Well, let’s check out the Bible and you will see how amazingly moral it is. Trust me though, you will be surprised by some of these!

  1. Is it moral to steal from others?

Exodus 3:22  But every woman shall ask of her neighbor, and of her who visits her house, jewels of silver, jewels of gold, and clothing; and you shall put them on your sons, and on your daughters. You shall despoil the Egyptians.

Answer: Yes, it is perfectly fine to steal from our neighbors.

  1. Is it moral to murder?

Exodus 32:27  He said to them, “Thus says Yahweh, the God of Israel, ‘Every man put his sword on his thigh, and go back and forth from gate to gate throughout the camp, and every man kill his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.”

Deuteronomy 21:18  If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, who will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and, though they chasten him, will not listen to them; 19  then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place; 20  and they shall tell the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. 21  All the men of his city shall stone him to death with stones: so shall you put away the evil from the midst of you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Psalm 137:9 (WEB) Happy shall he be, Who takes and dashes your little ones against the rock.

Answer: Yes, if our brother or sister, or anyone else, doesn’t worship our god, it is perfectly fine to murder him or her. Or, if our own sons and daughters won’t do what we say–or eat and drink too much–we should kill them. And what joy to murder little infants, secure in the knowledge that it is pleasing to the god of the Bible!

  1. Is it moral to lie?

2 Chronicles 18:21  He said, ‘I will go forth, and will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.’ He said, ‘You shall entice him, and shall prevail also: go forth, and do so.’ 22  Now therefore, behold, Yahweh has put a lying spirit in the mouth of these your prophets; and Yahweh has spoken evil concerning you.

Ezekiel 14:9  If the prophet be deceived and speak a word, I, Yahweh, have deceived that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand on him, and will destroy him from the midst of my people Israel.

Answer: Yes, lying is godly.

  1. Is it moral to abandon our spouse and children?

Exodus 21:2  If you buy a Hebrew servant, he shall serve six years and in the seventh he shall go out free without paying anything. 3  If he comes in by himself, he shall go out by himself. If he is married, then his wife shall go out with him. 4  If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out by himself. 5  But if the servant shall plainly say, ‘I love my master, my wife, and my children. I will not go out free;’6  then his master shall bring him to God, and shall bring him to the door or to the door-post, and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl, and he shall serve him for ever.

Ezra 10:3  Now therefore let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives, and such as are born of them, according to the counsel of my lord, and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.

Answer: Yes, abandoning a wife and children is acceptable if it means a man is thereby able to gain his freedom from slavery, and sometimes it is actually required if a man’s wife is foreign.

  1. Is it moral to buy and sell human beings?

Leviticus 25 (WEB) :44  As for your male and your female slaves, whom you may have; of the nations that are around you, from them you may buy male and female slaves. 45  Moreover of the children of the strangers who sojourn among you, of them you may buy, and of their families who are with you, which they have conceived in your land; and they will be your property. 46  You may make them an inheritance for your children after you, to hold for a possession; of them may you take your slaves forever: but over your brothers the children of Israel you shall not rule, one over another, with harshness.

Answer: Yes, human trafficking is a wonderful way to become rich.

  1. Is it moral to punish an innocent person for crimes committed by the guilty?

1 Corinthians 15:3  For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,

1 Peter 2:24  who his own self bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live to righteousness; by whose stripes you were healed.

Matthew 23:35  that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zachariah son of Barachiah, whom you killed between the sanctuary and the altar. 36  Most assuredly I tell you, all these things will come upon this generation.

Answer: Yes, it’s actually good that innocents die for guilty people.

There we have it. According to the Bible, we may steal, murder, lie, abandon our families, buy and sell other humans, and rejoice that innocent people die for the crimes of the guilty. I’m glad we have a means to know the truth, as it is important to possess a good strong sense of morality. It’s too bad atheists have nothing to help them choose right from wrong.

Tina Rae Collins

JC Myth (10.5): Our Legacy: “The Clock’s Running”

JC Myth Picture for Blog

Chapter Ten: Our Legacy: “The Clock’s Running”

I’ll end this book with a few words from Frank Sinatra that appeared in Playboy Magazine in 1963.[1] He first stated:

“I believe in you and me. I’m like Albert Schweitzer and Bertrand Russell and Albert Einstein in that I have a respect for life — in any form. I believe in nature, in the birds, the sea, the sky, in everything I can see or that there is real evidence for. If these things are what you mean by God, then I believe in God. . . Now don’t get me wrong. I’m for decency — period. I’m for anything and everything that bodes love and consideration for my fellow man. . . I’ve got no quarrel with men of decency at any level. But I can’t believe that decency stems only from religion.”[2]

Then he went on to say:

“Have you thought of the chance I’m taking by speaking out this way? Can you imagine the deluge of crank letters, curses, threats and obscenities I’ll receive after these remarks gain general circulation? Worse, the boycott of my records, my films, maybe a picket line at my opening at the Sands. Why? Because I’ve dared to say that love and decency are not necessarily concomitants of religious fervor.”[3]

The interviewer from Playboy said, “If you think you’re stepping over the line, offending your public or perhaps risking economic suicide, shall we cut this off now, erase the tape and start over along more antiseptic lines?” Sinatra responded: “No, let’s let it run. I’ve thought this way for years, ached to say these things. Whom have I harmed by what I’ve said? What moral defection have I suggested? No, I don’t want to chicken out now. Come on, pal, the clock’s running.”[4]

The clock’s running. Darlison wrote that, like Jesus, we are all crucified between two thieves, those thieves being our past and our present.

“What do these bandits steal? They steal our life. They are the past and the future, the twin thieves of everyone’s life. . . The past consumes us with regret, remorse, revenge, nostalgia, habit; the future eats away at our life with anxiety, uncertainty, procrastination, fear. . . We enter into the life of promise today. Now. It’s now or never. By destroying, or transforming, those twin thieves of our lives we enter into a whole new way of being, resurrected life, when the tomb which held us fast is broken open . . . This is the consistent message of the world’s spiritual traditions. This is the perennial philosophy.”[5]

As I said earlier, it wasn’t the wizard who brought Dorothy Gayle back home; but the truth is, it really wasn’t the kind and pretty Glinda either. It was Dorothy herself who had the power to transform her life. She didn’t need to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Emerald  City to find a powerful being to grant her wish. She could make it home on her own. And she was happier in her own little house with her family and friends in good old Kansas. Dorothy finally realized that the life she was given was enough for her; likewise, our current earthly lives should be enough for us. Let’s not ignore our vital present in order to weep over our sinful past and dream of a future castle in the sky in a city of gold. Despite what we may have been told, this is not a dress rehearsal; this is the main event. My friend John Marra wrote, “Since this is the only life any of us can actually be certain of, let’s try to fill it with all the love, joy, and happiness we possibly can because it’s so precious.”[6]

The clock’s running! If there is more after this life, great; but destroying one another in search of an ideal that may never come to fruition cannot be the right way to live. All religions, including Christianity, separate humans from one another when even the biblical scriptures urge unity. I hope it won’t take much more time before we realize that when we leave here we may go the way of every monkey, squirrel, and cockroach; therefore, our time, money, and energies should be used to help one another live a better life now (here, on Earth, in Kansas or wherever we may be), because we don’t know what is beyond the grave. Even if we exist after this life, it may not be as the people we are now (or as people at all). The only legacy we may have is whatever we create in the here and now. Let’s make the only life we know we have one of acceptance of all people, regardless of their religious views or way of life that may be different from ours. As my friend Dale Stanford said, any god who might be out there watching us will surely honor that behavior.

This book could be my undoing in the eyes of many—the last straw for some or the final nail in my coffin; and my friends and loved ones will no doubt wonder why I don’t pretend I still believe in Yahweh and Jesus rather than bringing disrespect upon myself and creating shock waves in my personal environment. The answer is the same as it would be if I had been worshiping Baal, Mithra, Chrishna, or Hercules, and I suddenly discovered that my god wasn’t real. Would I keep quiet then and feign belief in a pagan god just because the crowd was worshiping him? No, I wouldn’t. I can’t profess to worship a god I consider to be pagan (no matter how many others believe in him), nor can I worship a human being (Jesus, if he was truly a historical figure). I also can’t, and in my opinion shouldn’t, keep quiet. I must raise my voice along with the voices of others who are breaking the shackles of superstition and paganism. So my readers can feel sorry for me, they can pray for me, they can even turn me over to Satan. But let’s let it run.

Tina Rae Collins

My goal is to share my book The Judaeo-Christian Myth one article at a time. If you find these articles interesting or you don’t think I’ll reach my goal (always a possibility, I suppose), and/or you just can’t wait, you can purchase the book by clicking on the picture above or the title in this paragraph. Thanks for reading!

[1] “Frank Sinatra’s views on organized religion were decades ahead of his time,” deadstate.org, 29 Aug. 2014, web, 8 Nov. 2014. [2] “Frank Sinatra’s views on organized religion were decades ahead of his time.” [3] “Frank Sinatra’s views on organized religion were decades ahead of his time.” [4] “Frank Sinatra’s views on organized religion were decades ahead of his time.” [5] Darlison, “Two Thieves.” [6] John Marra, facebook.com, 24 June 2015, web, 24 June 2015.